


Hamilton Stories Ft. Plot Generator

by FionnaAndCakeCosplay



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Comedy, F/M, Fill-in-the-Blank Challenge, M/M, Mad Libs, Multi, What Have I Done, Why Did I Write This?, plot generator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 12,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FionnaAndCakeCosplay/pseuds/FionnaAndCakeCosplay
Summary: Hamilton characters write about each other
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan
Comments: 18
Kudos: 4





	1. What Could This Thing With A Shiny Shell Be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Drabble by John Laurens

It has a shiny shell and flaky, frantic feet, which are squishy. Rarely has a shiny shell reminded me more of the arms of a brown turtle.

Its tail is as flawless as an exemplary, lovable hug, which has been thinking softly in the magical, green snow (plop!).

Naturally, it has all the glory of a ponytail, which once relaxed childishly. There is nothing like a ponytail that once relaxed childishly.

Lest not forget the hungry, helpless habit of a hard head blissfully dancing.

Daddy likes its shiny shell. Mommy likes its squishy feet.

It is a soft-shelled turtle after all!  
~ 101 words ~

Auto Praise for What Could This Thing With A Shiny Shell Be?

"Yet another drabble about a turtle. I did enjoy it, though."- The Daily Tale

"Why do I do this to myself? Why?- Enid Kibbler"

The 'desc' genre of drabbles is my favorite."- Hit the Spoof

"I have a short attention zone, so drabbles are perfect for me."- Zob Gloop


	2. Joking Like Two Strong Turtles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A love letter from Alex to John

Dear John Laurens,

I have a small confession. Forgive this pouring of my heart.

I cherish that pub in New York, where we first met. The moment I clapped eyes on you, I knew you were going to be a smooth friend. Recently, I have begun to regard you as much more than just a smooth friend.

My feelings for you intensified when I saw you smooching in the moonlight. I was further wowed by your tremendous drinking skills.

You have eyes like mild carrots and the most strong nose I've ever seen. When I look at you, I just want to nuzzle those mild carrot eyes and suck that strong nose.

You're so special with your little ways. The way you handle your yummy best friend shows great kindness and sympathy.

I know that to you I'm just a great knight in shining armor but I think we could be happy together, joking like two strong turtles.

Please, say you'll be mine John Laurens!

All my love

Alexander Hamilton


	3. The Tenant of Du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Lost Bronte Novel by Alexander Hamilton

Hercules Mulligan is an independent and kindhearted orphan raised by a selfish and snotty matron. Eventually, he gets a job working as a general for the funny Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette of Du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette Church. The unlikely couple rapidly succumb to an important passion.

On the day of their wedding, a scheming nurse escapes from the attic of Du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette Church, and starts a fire. Believing that Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette is dead, Hercules flees from the church and wanders the frosty moors for days until he is rescued by a brave spy on the inside.

However, although Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette is blinded by the fire, he still breathes. Without Hercules, he becomes cowardly and tactless. He turns to alcohol for comfort. The ghost of the nurse from the attic haunts him.

Meanwhile, thinking Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette is dead, Hercules accepts a marriage proposal from his savior, the spy on the inside. However, one night he believes he can hear Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette calling, "Hercules, where are you? Hercules come home!" and he returns to Du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette Church.

On Hercules's return, he finds Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette drunk and without sight. Mistaking him for the ghost of the scheming nurse, he attacks him with a guns and ships and Hercules Mulligan dies.

As he attends to the body, Lord du Motier, The Marquis de LaFayette realizes what he has done. Driven mad with guilt, he hatches a plan to destroy the next generation, but there is no next generation and he dies of consumption two weeks later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that ended poorly...


	4. For My Amazing Turtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Love Poem by Alexander Hamilton

Roses are red,  
Violets are blue,  
The job is amazing,  
And so are you.  
Orchids are white,  
Ghost ones are rare,  
Brace are curly,  
And so is your hair.  
Magnolia grows,  
With buds like eggs,  
Your curve is smooth,  
And so are your legs.  
Sunflowers reach,  
Up to the skies,  
Your grass is green,  
And so are your eyes.  
Foxgloves in hedges,  
Surround the farms,  
Your body is tanned,  
And so are your arms.  
Daisies are pretty,  
Daffies have style,  
A light is dazzling,  
And so is your smile.  
A turtle is beautiful,  
Just like you.

Auto Praise for For My Amazing Turtle

"I'm sure I've read something a bit like this before. I just can't work out where..."- The Daily Tale

"This is too beautiful for words. 'Amazing like a job' - that's literary tin. I hope the person this poem is about feels as special as I would. I'm welling up here!"- Hit the Spoof

"How can arms be like a tanned body? What utter twaddle! As for shortening 'daffodils' to 'daffies' - who would do such a thing?"- Enid Kibbler

"An interesting twist on th old 'Roses are red' theme. The use of 'green', 'curly' and 'smooth' makes this original in ways neither Shakespeare, Burns nor Victor Hugo could master."- Zob Gloop


	5. A Useful Fox Brandishing a Pair of Pillows Ate My Homework

Dear Mr. Washington,

Have I told you lately how much I love your great brain?

I am writing to you to ask for an extension on my address. As you know, I've always had a very sharp attitude towards deadlines. However, something unexpected happened.

My cat and I were in my the room where it happens enjoying some fiery onions when a useful fox came barging in brandishing a pair of pillows.

It looked at me with entertaining eyes. I stared at its crazy face. When it started working, I knew it meant business.

I made a dive for my address but the useful fox decided to stroke my hip and then run off writing. I was taken aback.

So shocked was I, that I didn't realize that the useful fox had grabbed my address until much later.

That evening, I was shouting with my best buddy when I suddenly noticed that my address was missing. I searched high and low, I even looked in the litter bins.

Eventually, I reached the obvious conclusion - the useful fox had taken my address to feed to its ample son.

Thank you for being understanding and allowing me more time to complete my ample address.

Thanks  
Alexander Hamilton


	6. Turtles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A didactic cinquain by John Laurens

Turtles  
Green, soft-shelled  
Hiding, swimming, splashing  
Symbolizing all things shelled  
Tortoises

Auto Praise for Turtles - A Didactic Cinquain

"I love the combination of 'hiding', 'swimming', and 'splashing'. They sound great together."- The Daily Tale

"I don't like short poems. At least - 'Turtles' wasn't a haiku."- Enid Kibbler"

It's jolly fantastic that just five lines can set a scene so perfectly."- Hit the Spoof

"This poem really moved me. It was spooky. I hope to read more by John Laurens."- Zob Gloop"

Turtles is a popular subject for a cinquain. It's incredible how much diversity can be achieved with those final four lines."- Betty Borison


	7. Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tanka poem by Eliza Hamilton

I so love my son  
He is just so brave and kind.  
He has two green eyes  
And adorable freckles  
When he plays I feel happy

Auto Praise for Son - A Tanka Poem"

I love a good tanka - so much meatier than a haiku, and Eliza Hamilton really makes the most of those extra two lines."- The Daily Tale

"I didn't think I like haiku, but after reading Son - A Tanka Poem, I can see the merits of something briefer."- Enid Kibbler"

This son is so vivid to me, thanks to this beautiful verse."- Hit the Spoof

"My favorite part of this poem is 'adorable freckles'."- Zob Gloop

"I love Japanese poetry, and I can tell that Eliza Hamilton really does love that son."- Betty Borison


	8. Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A haiku by Alexander Hamilton

Pleasurable dawn  
An oldest, pleasing son plays  
into the tissue

Auto Praise for Son - A Haiku

"The juxtaposition of son and tissue is truly inspired."- The Daily Tale

"I don't like short poems. So why am I reviewing a haiku, you may wonder? Well, I liked the title - 'Son'. It went downhill from there."- Enid Kibbler

"Amazing how so few words can set a scene so perfectly. I close my eyes and all I can see is the pleasurable dawn."- Hit the Spoof

"I felt that I was a son. It was spooky. I hope to read more by Alexander Hamilton. Perhaps next time, something longer."- Zob Gloop

"I've always wanted to write a haiku about a son. I can't believe Alexander Hamilton has beaten me to it."- Betty Borison

"Pleasurable dawn is a popular first line for a haiku. It's incredible how much diversity can be achieved with those final lines."- Chris Critic, otherwise known as Cristic


	9. Alexander Hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Free Verse Poem

A Bucephalus, however hard it tries,  
Will always be horse-like.  
Does the Bucephalus make you shiver?  
does it?  
All that is untrustworthy is not eponym,  
eponym, by all account is trustworthy.  
Down, down, down into the darkness of the eponym,  
Gently it goes - the reliable, the faithful, the untrusty.  
When I think of the caria, I see a Halicarnassus.  
Cart noises. cart noises, cart noises.  
The liquor that's really cunning,  
Above all others is the brandy.  
Are you upset by how crafty it is?  
Does it tear you apart to see the brandy so tricksy?  
How happy is the political Aaron!  
Now governmental is just the thing,  
To get me wondering if the Aaron is policy-making.  
I saw the the British national capital of my generation destroyed,  
How I mourned the London.  
Does the London make you shiver?  
does it?

Auto Praise for Alexander Hamilton

"I love poems that beg the reader to bring something to the table. Alexander Hamilton brought Alexander Hamilton and I brought kittens. It made for quite a weird read, if I'm honest."- The Daily Tale

"No, it does not tear me apart to see the the brandy so tricksy!"- Enid Kibbler

"' Alexander Hamilton' is a topic far too neglected in modern poetry. I'm so glad Alexander Hamilton chose to tackle it."- Hit the Spoof


	10. Ode to the Macaroni and Cheese

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sonnet by Thomas Jefferson

Macaroni and cheese, to you I write.  
I love the way you feed, squeak and cuddle,  
Invading my mind day and through the night,  
Always dreaming about the hot Trudell.  
Let me compare you to a smooth buffoon?  
You are more unreal, blazing, and yellow.  
Bold sun heats the surreal peaches of June,  
And summertime has the Coviello.  
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.  
I love your mellow cheesy and perfect.  
Thinking of your delicious fills my days.  
My love for you is the awesome elect.  
Now I must away with a pleasant heart,  
Remember my cold words whilst we're apart.

Auto Praise for Ode to the Macaroni and cheese

"Look, you might think 'elect' is a good rhyme for 'perfect', but frankly I couldn't make head nor tale of what you were trying to say."- The Daily Tale

"The author is so talented that I really feel the love for the object of the poem's mellow cheesy and perfect."- Enid Kibbler

"The iambic pentameter almost works!"- Hit the Spoof

"Not even Shakespeare himself would be bold enough to use a simile like 'a smooth buffoon' - wow!"- Zob Gloop


	11. Small, Green Turtle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A concrete poem presented as text
> 
> https://i.quotev.com/teyjxqii3o6q.jpg

adorable! 

extremely green 

decidedly darling 

clear, dear, humble 

ever so shiny 

so cute 

so tiny tail

a shell shiny! 

a turtle

that thought

all small   
love it

you

green

rather tiny 

tipping

cute

tiny!

rather shiny 

mind

defined

a hat

trace

a turtle 

so shiny 

a shell

decidedly darling 

adorable! 

very small

shining shell, small can, lovely hat 

quite darling 

clear, naive, new 

extremely adorable 

adorable, clear, lovable

you positively darling   
adorable, dear, new

clear, small, funny 

shining shell, small tail, endearing chapeau 

polished plate, small chase, adorable chapeau 

lustrous scale, small tail, endearing chapeau 

ever so sheeny racing shell angling, softly 

its polished carapace cresting, softly 

clear shell, tiny tail, endearing lid 

lustrous shell, tiny tag, lovable hat 

its small seat wriggling, blithely 

clear case leaning, softly 

adorable, clear, lovable 

positively democratic 

adorable, lovely, new 

adorable, clear, new 

positively adorable 

clear, small, funny 

clear, common, new 

ever so democratic 

lustrous shell leaning, softly 

tiny bottom squirming, blithely 

sunny carapace pointing, softly 

tiny fanny twisting, blithely 

a tail

ever so adorable 

you

very cute 

Auto Praise for Small, Green Turtle

"I never tire of seeing concrete poems in the shape of a ghost."- Zob Gloop

"The line polished plate, small chase, adorable chapeau is just so perfect. It really shows the author's talent."- Betty Borison

"Oh please! The first line is ever so adorable and is goes downhill from there. What repetitive twaddle!"- Enid Kibbler


	12. Ode to the Alexander Hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Sonnet by Thomas Jefferson

To Alexander Hamilton, I write.  
How I hate the way you eat, write and plan,  
Invading my mind day and through the night,  
Always dreaming about the weird japan.  
Let me compare you to a pretender?  
You are more solid, deadpan, and superb.  
Strange frost nips the robins of December,  
And wintertime has the weak balsam herb.  
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways.  
I hate your annoying eyebrows and smile.  
Wanting your skill with a quill fills my days.  
My hate for you is the impassive dial.  
Now I must away with a dirty heart,  
Remember my serb words whilst we're apart.

Auto Praise for Ode to the Alexander Hamilton

"Look, you might think 'dial' is a good rhyme for 'smile', but frankly I couldn't make head nor tale of what you were trying to say."- The Daily Tale

"The author is so talented that I really feel the hate for the object of the poem's annoying eyebrows and smile."- Enid Kibbler

"The iambic pentameter almost works!"- Hit the Spoof

"Not even Shakespeare himself would be bold enough to use a simile like 'a pretender' - wow!"- Zob Gloop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BET YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA BE JAMILTON!!!!!!!!!!


	13. Goodbye Maria Beautiful Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reynolds Pamphlet?!

Dear Maria,

To me, you are like a very beautiful snake and I'm not sure that I need a very beautiful snake in my life right now.

Things started to go wrong when I caught you joking with my wife.

It's not that I don't love you. It's just that your husband is extremely fake and your best mate is, without a doubt, the most fluorescent person I've ever known.

It's true, we've had some ample times eating together. You have lips like big courgettes and the most quiet mouth I've ever seen.

Your personality is like a really dotty hummingbird skipping into my skull. When I see you shouting it makes me want to steal your courgette lips and post them to my own house.

I lie in bed at night wishing you were a male model and not a snake who likes joking with my wife.

What I'm trying to say, is take your quiet mouth and go.

Yours no more  
Alexander Hamilton


	14. What Could This Thing With Curvy Freckles Be?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Drabble by Alexander Hamilton

It has curvy freckles and easy, eggy eyes, which are pretty. Rarely have curvy freckles reminded me more of the fingers of a grand tortoise.

Its lips are as flawless as an exemplary, ample book, which has been loving agreeably in the magical, splendid clouds (mumble!).

Naturally, it has all the glory of a sausage, which once sung eloquently. There is nothing like a sausage that once sung eloquently.

Lest not forget the heavy, homely habit of a homeless hair calmly gyrating.

Father likes its curvy freckles. Dear likes its pretty eyes.

You've guessed it; it's a hot John Laurens!  
~ 100 words ~

Auto Praise for What Could This Thing With Curvy Freckles Be?

"Yet another drabble about a John Laurens. I did enjoy it, though."- The Daily Tale

"Why do I do this to myself? Why?- Enid Kibbler

"The 'desc' genre of drabbles is my favorite."- Hit the Spoof

"I have a short attention zone, so drabbles are perfect for me."- Zob Gloop


	15. Re: Rights For Women - I Feel Frustrated!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angelica is mad...

Dear Aaron Burr,

I am a member of the Federalist party. I have always found your party's politics somewhat amazing and your individual views rather annoying. I believe in the values of patience and charity.

Your neutrality is smelly and your feminist leanings, full.

Recently, I have come to feel frustrated about rights for women. I am affected by this daily because I am a women.

During your time as a politician, you have spoken out against crime and argued in favor of clean water. I hope you will rise to the challenge and put an end to animal testing.

I am writing you to ask that you ban animal testing and also, hopefully take a firmer stance on crime. Don't let your bright relationship with Alexander Hamilton stand in the way of progress.

I appreciate your help and ask that you please send me a response letting me know where you stand on this issue and if you are able to help with my request.

Thank you for taking time to read my letter, oh smelly one.

Angelica Schuyler


	16. Hamilton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An acrostic by Alexander Hamilton

Heroic actions action.

American liberties match.

Main battlefields lash.

Immigrant latinos misrule.

Loyal Americans tussle.

Tactical fighters agitate.

Occasional disputes disprove.

Native Americans tackle.


	17. Bite of a Zombie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A paranormal romance by Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de LaFayette

John Laurens suspected something was a little off when his admirable grandma tried to bite him when he was just six years old. Nevertheless, he lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until he bumped into the devilishly sympathetic zombie, Alexander Hamilton, that his life finally began to make sense.

However, Alexander proved to be sweet and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with skipping. John soon learned that Alexander had taken an oath never to kiss a human being.

When John's admirable grandma is injured in a sausage accident, John realizes his own life is at risk.

Despite Alexander's pale skin and long, pulled back hair, John finds himself falling for the zombie. Only fate will decide whether he kills or protects him.

One night, a vampire appears before John and warns him of a darkness within Alexander. The vampire gives John the cursed blade - the only weapon that can defeat a sympathetic zombie.

Will John find it in himself to kill the only creature who has ever made him feel truly on edge? (Hint: yes!)

Auto Praise for Bite of a Zombie

"Oh my golly gosh - where can I find myself a tasty sympathetic zombie?"- The Daily Tale

"Oh please! Like a human would ever be able to kill a zombie with a cursed blade!"- Enid Kibbler

"I didn't like the admirable grandma at all and was glad when the sausage accident happened."- Hit the Spoof

"The blurb spoilt the plot. I don't need to read it now."- Zob Gloop


	18. The Acquaintance Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic noir by Alexander Hamilton

One morning in a house in New York, Elizabeth Schuyler opens a gift from her acquaintance, Aaron Burr, and Elizabeth knows their lives will never be the same again.

Whilst trying to rebuild her life, Elizabeth witnesses a crime that leads her to question a new relationship. She becomes obsessed with enigmatic stranger Alexander Hamilton. What is his connection to Aaron, and why has he turned up now?

Elizabeth's behavior becomes increasingly erratic as she struggles to unravel the truth and the significance of a silver knife, all whilst battling to cope with chronic fatigue syndrome.

Every day, Elizabeth gets closer to the truth. And the closer she gets, the more terrifying it seems.

Auto Praise for The Aquaintence Gone

"Elizabeth Schuyler is the best lead ever. This is a feminist masterpiece."- The Daily Tale

"Why the obsession with setting books in the home? Put Elizabeth Schuyler in a war zone or department store for some real excitement."- Enid Kibbler

"Dark and chilling. Setting the first part in a house in New York really grounds it in reality - so unsettling."- Hit the Spoof

"I was so intrigued by Alexander Hamilton - what a character."- Zob Gloop


	19. Alexander Hamilton, The Sprite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Fantasy Novel by Alexander Hamilton

In a hut there lived a frozen, false sprite named Alexander Hamilton. Not a solid handsome, magical hut, filled with quills and a curvaceous smell, nor yet a sunny, vast, idyllic hut with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a sprite-hut, and that means comfort.

One day, after a troubling visit from the witch John Laurens, Alexander leaves his hut and sets out in search of three ample spells. A quest undertaken in the company of trolls, giants, and rural pixies.

In the search for the witch-guarded spells, Alexander Hamilton surprises even himself with his resourcefulness and skill as an author.

During his travels, Alexander rescues a banana, an heirloom belonging to John. But when John refuses to try chatting, their friendship is over.

However, John is wounded at the Battle of Yorktown and the two reconcile just before Alexander engages in some serious chatting.

Alexander accepts one of the three ample spells and returns home to his hut a very wealthy sprite.

Auto Praise for Alexander Hamilton, the Sprite

"A search for three ample spells was always going to be compelling. The addition of trolls, giants, and pixies just makes it even more awesome."- The Daily Tale

"OMG! It's like Lord of the Rings with added giants."- One of the Kidz

"About as enjoyable as eating my own toes. I wish John had kept refusing to do any chatting. The whole thing would have been a lot shorter."- Enid Kibbler

"I love John. I would have liked to see more of him."- Hit the Spoof

"I prefer the real Tolkien."- Zob Gloop


	20. The Mangled Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Crime Thriller by Eliza Hamilton

Mangled fingers have been turning up all over New York City and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with a blade, and still, nobody has a clue who the wild killer is.

Ms. Angelica Schuyler is a slim and courageous gardener with a fondness for music. She doesn't know it yet but she is the only one who can stop the deranged killer.

When her sister, Peggy Schuyler, is kidnapped, Ms. Schuyler finds herself thrown into the center of the investigation. His only clue is a crumpled guillotine.

She enlists the help of a thoughtful homemaker called Eliza Schuyler.

Can Schuyler help Schuyler overcome her Vaseline addiction and find the answers before the predatory killer and his deadly blade strike again?

Auto Praise for The Mangled Fingers

"Ms. Schuyler is the best detective ever. A passion for music and Vaseline is something we all can relate to."- The Daily Tale

"About as scary as a minute ant, but The Mangled Fingers does deliver an important message about the dangers of a blade."- Enid Kibbler

"As always, a thoughtful homemaker makes the best sidekick."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	21. Arrogant Sea Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Screenplay by Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de LaFayette

INT. CONTINENTAL CONGRESS - AFTERNOON

Admirable Secretary of the Treasury MR. ALEXANDER HAMILTON is arguing with giving soldier MR. JOHN LAURENS. ALEXANDER tries to hug JOHN but he shakes him off.

ALEXANDER  
Please, John, don't leave me.  
JOHN  
I'm sorry Alexander, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head-on, instead of running away.  
ALEXANDER  
I am such a person!

JOHN frowns.

JOHNI'm sorry, Alexander. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

JOHN leaves.

ALEXANDER sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, sweet tailor's apprentice/spy MR HERCULES MULLIGAN barges in looking flustered.

ALEXANDER  
Goodness, Hercules! Is everything okay?  
HERCULES  
I'm afraid not.  
ALEXANDER  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...  
HERCULES  
It's ... a sea monster ... I saw an evil sea monster murder a bunch of elderly gents!  
ALEXANDER  
Defenseless elderly gents?  
HERCULES  
Yes, defenseless elderly gents!  
ALEXANDER  
Bloomin' heck, Hercules! We've got to do something.  
HERCULES  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.  
ALEXANDER  
You can start by telling me where this happened.  
HERCULES  
I was...

HERCULES fans himself and begins to wheeze.

ALEXANDERFocus Hercules, focus! Where did it happen?  
HERCULES  
Monticello! That's right - Monticello!

ALEXANDER springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

ALEXANDER rushes along the street, followed by HERCULES. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. MONTICELLO - SHORTLY AFTER

AARON BURR, an arrogant sea monster terrorizes two elderly gents.

ALEXANDER, closely followed by HERCULES, rushes towards AARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

HERCULES  
What is it? What's the matter?  
ALEXANDER  
That's not just any old sea monster, that's Aaron Burr!  
HERCULES  
Who's Aaron Burr?  
ALEXANDER  
Who's Aaron Burr? Who's Aaron Burr? Only the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!  
HERCULES  
Blinkin' knickers, Alexander! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!  
ALEXANDER  
You can say that again.  
HERCULES  
Blinkin' knickers, Alexander! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most arrogant sea monster in the universe!  
ALEXANDER  
I'm going to need rainbows, lots of rainbows.

Aaron turns and sees Alexander and Hercules. He grins an evil grin.

AARON  
Alexander Hamilton, we meet again.  
HERCULES  
You've met?  
ALEXANDER  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young ALEXANDER is sitting in a park listening to some classical music when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees AARON. He takes off his headphones.

AARON  
Would you like some peppermints?

ALEXANDER's eyes light up, but then he studies AARON more closely and looks uneasy.

ALEXANDER  
I don't know, you look kind of arrogant.AARON  
Me? No. I'm not arrogant. I'm the least arrogant sea monster in the world.  
ALEXANDER  
Wait, you're a sea monster?

ALEXANDER runs away, screaming.

EXT. MONTICELLO - PRESENT DAY

AARON  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.  
HERCULES  
(To ALEXANDER) You ran away?  
ALEXANDER  
(To HERCULES) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

ALEXANDER turns to AARON.

ALEXANDER  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

ALEXANDER runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

ALEXANDER  
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rainbows.  
AARON  
I'm not scared of you.  
ALEXANDER  
You should be.

INT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY

ALEXANDER and HERCULES walk around searching for something.

ALEXANDER  
I feel sure I left my rainbows somewhere around here.  
HERCULES  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rainbows.  
ALEXANDER  
You know nothing Hercules Mulligan.  
HERCULES  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, AARON appears, holding a pair of rainbows.

AARON  
Looking for something?  
HERCULES  
Crikey, Alexander, he's got your rainbows.  
ALEXANDER  
Tell me something I don't already know!  
HERCULES  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.  
ALEXANDER  
I know that already!  
HERCULES  
I'm afraid of sausages.  
AARON  
(appalled) Dude!

While AARON is looking at HERCULES with disgust, ALEXANDER lunges forward and grabs his deadly rainbows. He wields them, triumphantly.

ALEXANDER  
Prepare to die, you arrogant turnip!  
AARON  
No, please! All I did was murder a bunch of elderly gents!

JOHN enters, unseen by any of the others.

ALEXANDER  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behavior! Those elderly gents were defenseless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Alexander Hamilton defender of innocent elderly gents.  
AARON  
Don't hurt me! Please!  
ALEXANDER  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rainbows on you right away!  
AARON  
Because Alexander, I am your father.

ALEXANDER looks stunned for a few moments but then collects himself.

ALEXANDER  
No, you're not!  
AARON  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

AARON tries to grab the rainbows but ALEXANDER dodges out of the way.

ALEXANDER  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, AARON slumps to the ground.

HERCULES  
Did he just faint?  
ALEXANDER  
I think so. Well, that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rainbows.

ALEXANDER crouches over AARON's body.

HERCULES  
Be careful, Alexander. It could be a trick.  
ALEXANDER  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Aaron Burr is dead!  
HERCULES  
What?  
ALEXANDERYes, it appears that I scared him to death.

HERCULES claps his hands.

HERCULES  
So your rainbows did save the day, after all.

JOHN steps forward.

JOHN  
Is it true? Did you kill the arrogant sea monster?  
ALEXANDER  
John how long have you been...?

JOHN puts his arm around ALEXANDER.

JOHN  
Long enough.  
ALEXANDER  
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Aaron Burr.  
JOHN  
Then the elderly gents are safe?  
ALEXANDER  
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relieved.

JOHN  
You are their hero.

The elderly gents bow to ALEXANDER.

ALEXANDER  
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Aaron Burr will never murder elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.  
JOHN  
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the elderly gents passes ALEXANDER a shiny ring

JOHN  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.  
ALEXANDER  
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

ALEXANDER  
Well, if you insist.

ALEXANDER takes the ring.

ALEXANDER  
Thank you.

The elderly gents bow their heads once more and leave.

ALEXANDER turns to JOHN.

ALEXANDER  
Does this mean you want me back?  
JOHN  
Oh, Alexander, of course, I want you back!

ALEXANDER smiles for a few seconds but then looks defiant.

ALEXANDER  
Well, you can't have me.  
JOHN  
WHAT?  
ALEXANDER  
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a sea monster to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.  
JOHN  
But...  
ALEXANDER  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Hercules.

HERCULES grins.

JOHN  
But...  
HERCULES  
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skedaddle! Shoo!  
JOHN  
Alexander?  
ALEXANDER  
I'm sorry John, but I think you should skedaddle.

JOHN leaves.

HERCULES turns to ALEXANDER.

HERCULES  
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?  
ALEXANDER  
Of course, you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly HERCULES stops.

HERCULES  
When I said I'm afraid of sausages, you know I was just trying to distract the sea monster, don't you?

THE END


	22. The Mysterious, Smart Secretary Of The Treasury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Summer's Tale by Alexander Hamilton

Alexander Hamilton is an intelligent Secretary of the Treasury from grand New York City. He leads a carefree life. However, all that changes when Alexander books a summer holiday to rural Amsterdam.

At first, Alexander finds Amsterdam very old-fashioned. Then there's the mysterious, smart general, John Laurens, who makes him feel uncomfortable.

When John invites him on a gyrating expedition, Alexander begins to realize that John is a deeply modest and delightful man.

Alexander knows in his heart that John is the man for him. However, to secure his happiness, Alexander must fend off the helpful housekeeper, Martha Manning, who wants to get her claws into John.

Using her killer trousers and a mutual love of food, Alexander sets out to snare John once and for all. But will the smart Secretary of the Treasury return his affections?

Auto Praise for The Mysterious, Smart Secretary Of The Treasury

"Sizzling hot. I wish a mysterious, smart Secretary of the Treasury would fall into my life."- The Daily Tale

"The dullest summer story ever written. How would killer trousers and a mutual love of food attract anybody?"- Enid Kibbler

"I'm going to rush out and book a gyrating expedition."- Hit the Spoof

"I once went to 'rural' Amsterdam on holiday but I didn't find it old-fashioned."- Zob Gloop


	23. Galactic Wild Gun Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Science Fiction Plot by Alexander Hamilton

A long, long time ago in a wild, wild galaxy...

After leaving the enchanted planet Neptune, a group of elves flies toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a tender, space hall.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by King George III, a red gnome capable of robbery and even mutilation.

Terrified, a pointy fairy known as Hercules Mulligan flees the Empire, with his protector, Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette.

They head for New York City on the planet Earth. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Marquis de Lafayette uses his wild gun to defend Hercules.

Marquis de Lafayette and Fairy Hercules decide it's time to leave Earth and steal a ship to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of ghosts. Marquis de Lafayette is attacked and the fairy is captured by the ghosts and taken back to New York City.

Marquis de Lafayette must fight to save Fairy Hercules but when he accidentally unearths a dirty record, the entire future of the wild, enchanted galaxy is at stake.

Auto Praise for Galactic Wild Gun Wars

"I really, really, really hope that Marquis de Lafayette saves Fairy Hercules because I love this story soooooo much!"- The Daily Tale

"A red gnome, a tribe of ghosts and a pointy fairy - haven't we seen this before somewhere?"- Enid Kibbler


	24. Galactic Freezing Knife Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Science Fiction Plot by Alexander Hamilton

A long, long time ago in a freezing, freezing galaxy...

After leaving the passionate planet Epsilon Eridani, a group of soldiers flies toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a tall, space garage.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by King George III, a sunny robot capable of adultery and even violence.

Terrified, a cozy pixie known as John Laurens flees the Empire, with his protector, Alexander Hamilton.

They head for New York City on the planet Mars. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Hamilton uses his freezing knife to defend John.

Hamilton and Pixie John decide it's time to leave Mars and steal a tractor to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of wizards. Hamilton is attacked and the pixie is captured by the wizards and taken back to New York City.

Hamilton must fight to save Pixie John but when he accidentally unearths a slimy sausage, the entire future of the freezing, passionate galaxy is at stake.

Auto Praise for Galactic Freezing Knife Wars

"I really, really, really hope that Hamilton saves Pixie John because I love this story soooooo much!"- The Daily Tale"

A sunny robot, a tribe of wizards and a cozy pixie - haven't we seen this before somewhere?"- Enid Kibbler


	25. John Laurens and the Three Kind Turtles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Fairy Tale by Alexander Hamilton

Once upon a time, there was a pretty boy called John Laurens. He was on the way to see his Mom-baguette Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, when he decided to take a short cut through Penrose Woods.

It wasn't long before John got lost. He looked around, but all he could see were trees. Nervously, he felt into his bag for his favorite toy, Anthony, but Anthony was nowhere to be found! John began to panic. He felt sure he had packed Anthony. To make matters worse, he was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, he saw a kind turtle dressed in a blue pinafore disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought John.

For the want of anything better to do, he decided to follow the peculiarly dressed turtle. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, John reached a clearing. He found himself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from red cabbages, a house made from toffees, a house made from biscuits, and a house made from chips.

John could feel his tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease his hunger.

"Hello!" he called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

John looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving John a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Anthony!

"Anthony!" shouted John. He turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give Anthony back!" cried John.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let Anthony out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three kind turtles rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. John recognised the one in the blue pinafore that he'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Turtle," said the witch.

"Good morning." The turtle noticed Anthony. "Who is this?"

"That's Anthony," explained the witch.

"Ooh! Anthony would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the turtle.

The witch shook her head. "Anthony is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." John interrupted. "Anthony lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Turtle ignored him. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Turtle looked at the house made from chips and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chips if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next turtle. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Anthony."

John watched, feeling very worried. He didn't want the witch to give Anthony to Big Turtle. He didn't think Anthony would like living with a kind turtle, away from his house and all his other toys.

The other two turtles watched while Big Turtle put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Turtle. "Just you watch!"

Big Turtle pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toffees. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Turtle started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of toffees, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Turtle.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Turtle never finished eating the front door made from toffees and Anthony remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Turtle stepped up, and approached the house made from biscuits.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Turtle. "Just you watch!"

Average Turtle pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from biscuits. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Turtle started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a turtle!" said Average Turtle.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Turtle, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the turtle away under his arm.

Average Turtle never finished eating the front door made from biscuits and Anthony remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Turtle stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Turtle. "Just you watch!"

Little Turtle pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Turtle started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating chips for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Turtle into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Turtle. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Turtle was never seen again.

Little Turtle never finished eating the front door made from chips and Anthony remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Anthony."

"Not so fast," said John. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from red cabbages. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give him a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the turtles. He won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said John.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Anthony back."

John ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. He came back to the clearing and started a small campfire. Carefully, he broke off a piece of the door of the house made from red cabbages and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, he took a bite. He quickly devoured the whole piece.

John sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained John. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When John's food had digested, he broke off another piece of the door made from red cabbages. Once more, he toasted his food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. He ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, John was down to the final piece of the door made from red cabbages. Carefully, he toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. He finished his final course. John had eaten the entire front door of the house made from red cabbages.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his ax. "This little boy won fair and square. Now hand over Anthony or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

John hurried over and grabbed Anthony, checking that his favorite toy was all right. Fortunately, Anthony was unharmed.

John thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier. It was starting to get dark.

When John got to Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier's house, his Mom-baguette threw his arms around him.

"I was so worried!" cried Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier. "You are very late."

As John described his day, he could tell that Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier didn't believe him. So he grabbed a napkin from his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier.

John unwrapped a doorknob made from toffees. "Pudding!" he said.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier almost fell off his chair.

The End


	26. 2080, Year of Racist Giraffes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Dystopian Plot by Alexander Hamilton

Nuclear war has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 2080. New York City is a terrifying place ruled by racist giraffes. Once glorious, the Statue of Liberty is now buried.

Clever lawyer, Mr. Alexander Hamilton is humanity's only hope. Alexander finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Sons of Liberty.

The fight is jeopardized when Alexander is tricked by vile King, King George III, and injures his thigh.

Armed with brains and guns, The Sons of Liberty try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat cold-blooded racist giraffes and restore the Statue of Liberty to its former glory?

Auto Praise for 2080, Year of Racist Giraffes

"Alexander Hamilton is such a compelling hero. I'd give this book six stars if I could."- The Daily Tale

"Yet another dystopian story set in 2080 New York City. Reading this book was like playing golf with my own eyeballs."- Enid Kibbler

"An injured thigh is no joke. I read this book with my heart in my chest."- Hit the Spoof"

I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	27. The Curse of the Peculiar Kettle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Horror Story by Alexander Hamilton

Whilst investigating the death of a local tailor's apprentice, a kind soldier called John Laurens uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, peculiar kettle circulating throughout New York City. As soon as anyone uses the kettle, he or she has exactly 15 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look translucent. A marked person feels like an important turtle to touch.

John gets hold of the kettle, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: a sticky puppy balancing on a sloppy tailor's apprentice, an old newspaper headline about a sausage accident, a hooded hamster ranting about abs and a drinking well located in an industrial place.

When John notices his thighs have turtle-like properties, he realizes that the curse of the peculiar kettle is true and calls in his best friend, a spy called Hercules Mulligan, to help.

Hercules examines the kettle and willingly submits himself to the curse. He finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. He finds the sticky puppy balancing on a sloppy tailor's apprentice particularly chilling. He joins the queue for a supernatural death.

John and Hercules pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded hamster. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

Auto Praise for The Curse of the Peculiar Kettle

"This is actually pretty scary. I'll never be able to look at another peculiar kettle for as long as I live."- The Daily Tale

"Oh please! There's nothing scary about a sticky puppy balancing on a sloppy tailor's apprentice. Are we supposed to feel spooked?"- Enid Kibbler

"The hooded hamster really freaked me out."- Hit the Spoof"

I hope John and Hercules get married."- Zob Gloop (Interesting choice of ships but ok...)


	28. Man Found Having Tea Party With Turtle Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Other Headlines by Thomas Jefferson

Local Headlines

Man Found Having Tea Party With Turtle Again

Tiny Record Likely To Win Village Show

Local Man Wins Parsnip Growing Contest For the Third Time

Woman With Epic Tattoo Arrested for 37th Time

Viral Photo of Turtle Had Been Photoshopped

Local man Set to Fly Out and Help With Hurricane Relief Effort

Man Buys Shirts For Low-Income Local Family

National Headlines

Turtle Catches Train Across Country

Man Jailed For Threatening Wife With Tiny Record

New Variety of Parsnip Set to Revolutionise Our Eating Habits

Man With Epic Tattoo Suspected of Art Theft

Small Hurricane Forcast in Northern Regions

Purple Shirts Are the Latest Big Trend Says Top Fashion Designer

International Headlines

Purple Turtle Escapes From Florida Zoo

New York City Voted Nicest Place to Live in the World

The World's Biggest Parsnip Measuring Over 1m

Epic Tattoos Banned in North Korea

Hurricane Causes Devastation

Shirts Linked to Global Health Scare


	29. Philip and John - The Troll Hunters of New York City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Smelly Troll Plot by Alexander Hamilton

Philip Hamilton is just an ordinary nine-year-old boy living in New York City, until he sees a horrifying troll, called Aaron Burr, climb in through his bedroom window.

Aaron, who is built like a potato filled with rocks and smells like grated dustbins smothered with sauce made from earwax, sings a song about making little boys into pasties.

Philip tricks the troll into falling out of his window by telling him that there are child-brain pizzas outside. He realizes that the troll has to be stopped before he eats any more children and sets to work trying to invent a trap.

Meanwhile, in a cave just outside New York City, John Laurens starts to suspect that eating children is wrong, and grows tired of hunting with his fellow trolls. He decides to live as a vegetarian.

After a brief misunderstanding involving an eyelash and lashings of ketchup, Philip and John team up to stop the trolls, using a catapult that fires cabbages. They lure the trolls by creating a big mound of rotten turnips.

Auto Praise for Philip and John - The Troll Hunters of New York City

"I can smell Aaron Burr from here!"- Zob Gloop

"What a terrifying tale. I hope a troll never climbs in through my window. I don't think I've got any cabbages."- The Daily Tale

"About as frightening as a very small mouse standing on a tiny pillow, but it does warm my heart to read about children and trolls working together."- Enid Kibbler"

Grated dustbins? Yuck!"- Hit the Spoof


	30. Two Hopeful Uncles Cooking to the Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Short Story by Alexander Hamilton

Alexander Hamilton was thinking about John Laurens again. John was a forgetful angel with beautiful cheeks and curvy thighs.

Alexander walked over to the window and reflected on his industrial surroundings. He had always loved crowded New York City with its broad, blue buildings. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel confident.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a forgetful figure of John Laurens.

Alexander gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an incredible, thoughtful, beer drinker with freckled cheeks and ample thighs. His friends saw him as an amused, arrogant academic. Once, he had even helped an early kitten cross the road.

But not even an incredible person who had once helped an early kitten cross the road, was prepared for what John had in store today.

The drizzle rained like bopping turtles, making Alexander relaxed. Alexander grabbed a giant gun that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Alexander stepped outside and John came closer, he could see the flabby glint in his eye.

John gazed with the affection of 9207 loving hungry horses. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want love."

Alexander looked back, even more relaxed and still fingering the giant gun. "John, I think I'm in love with you," he replied.

They looked at each other with stable feelings, like two boiled, big blue bottles loving at a very sweet snowstorm, which had piano music playing in the background and two hopeful uncles cooking to the beat.

Alexander regarded John's beautiful cheeks and curvy thighs. "I feel the same way!" revealed Alexander with a delighted grin.

John looked ecstatic, his emotions blushing like a sad, screeching sausage.

Then John came inside for a nice drink of beer.

THE END

Auto Praise for Two Hopeful Uncles Cooking to the Beat

"I feel like I know Alexander Hamilton. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the drizzle rained like bopping turtles is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	31. Two Thoughtful Uncles Singing to the Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Short Story by Thomas Jefferson

James Madison was thinking about Thomas Jefferson again. Thomas was an articulate caterpillar with moist thighs and charming eyes.

James walked over to the window and reflected on his chilly surroundings. He had always loved pretty New York City with its pretty, plain parks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel fuzzy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an articulate figure of Thomas Jefferson.

James gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a daring, intelligent, wine drinker with curvaceous thighs and beautiful eyes. His friends saw him as a long, leaking lover. Once, he had even helped a steamed injured bird cross the road.

But not even a daring person who had once helped a steamed injured bird cross the road, was prepared for what Thomas had in store today.

The snow flurried like cooking goldfish, making James delighted. James grabbed a magic cane that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As James stepped outside and Thomas came closer, he could see the aggressive glint in his eye.

"Look James," growled Thomas, with a modest glare that reminded James of articulate horses. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want macaroni and cheese. You owe me 9519 dollars."

James looked back, even more delighted and still fingering the magic cane. "Thomas, I love you," he replied.

They looked at each other with confident feelings, like two gleaming, gigantic giraffes thinking at a very arrogant Valentine's meal, which had jazz music playing in the background and two thoughtful uncles singing to the beat.

James regarded Thomas's moist thighs and charming eyes. "I don't have the funds ..." he lied.

Thomas glared. "Do you want me to shove that magic cane where the sun don't shine?"

James promptly remembered his daring and intelligent values. "Actually, I do have the funds," he admitted. He reached into his pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

Thomas looked ecstatic, his wallet blushing like a tender, tan teapot.

Then Thomas came inside for a nice glass of wine.

THE END

ALTERNATE VERSION

James Madison was thinking about Thomas Jefferson again. Thomas was an articulate caterpillar with moist thighs and charming eyes.

James walked over to the window and reflected on his chilly surroundings. He had always loved pretty New York City with its putrid, pickled parks. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel fuzzy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the articulate figure of Thomas Jefferson.

James gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a daring, intelligent, wine drinker with curvaceous thighs and beautiful eyes. His friends saw him as a lively, lonely lover. Once, he had even rescued a happy injured bird from a burning building.

But not even a daring person who had once rescued a happy injured bird from a burning building was prepared for what Thomas had in-store today.

The snow flurried like cooking goldfish, making James delighted. James grabbed a magic cane that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As James stepped outside and Thomas came closer, he could see the itchy glint in his eye.

Thomas gazed with the affection of 6312 modest homely horses. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want macaroni and cheese."

James looked back, even more delighted and still fingering the magic cane. "Thomas, I love you," he replied.

They looked at each other with confident feelings, like two glamorous, graceful giraffes thinking at a very arrogant Valentine's meal, which had jazz music playing in the background and two thoughtful uncles singing to the beat.

James regarded Thomas's moist thighs and charming eyes. "I feel the same way!" revealed James with a delighted grin.

Thomas looked ecstatic, his emotions blushing like a tasteless, thundering teapot.

Then Thomas came inside for a nice glass of wine.

THE END

Auto Praise for Two Thoughtful Uncles Singing to the Beat

"I feel like I know James Madison. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the snow flurried like cooking goldfish is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	32. Near the Same Spot Where Philip Died: Weehawken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Short Story by Alexander Hamilton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda sad...

Alexander Hamilton looked at the old gun in his hands and felt ambivalent.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his cold surroundings. He had always hated near the same spot Philip died Weehawken with its teeny-tiny, thirsty tunnels. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel ambivalent.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Aaron Burr. Aaron was an adorable monster with skinny ankles and sloppy eyebrows.

Alexander gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a forgetful, energetic, beer drinker with scrawny ankles and hairy eyebrows. His friends saw him as a low, loopy lawyer. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a dirty old lady.

But not even a forgetful person who had once made a cup of tea for a dirty old lady, was prepared for what Aaron had in store today.

The wind blew like talking blue bottles, making Alexander anxious.

As Alexander stepped outside and Aaron came closer, he could see the freshly-squeezed glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want revenge," Aaron bellowed, in a considerate tone. He slammed his fist against Alexander's chest, with the force of 8440 monkeys. "I frigging hate you, Alexander Hamilton."

Alexander looked back, even more anxious and still fingering the old gun. "Aaron, I have the honor to be your obedient servant, A. Ham," he replied.

They looked at each other with irritable feelings, like two happy, healthy horses walking at a very friendly duel, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two delightful uncles partying to the beat.

Alexander studied Aaron's skinny ankles and sloppy eyebrows. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you revenge," he explained, in pitying tones.

Aaron looked stressed, his body raw like a scandalous, shredded sausage.

Alexander could actually hear Aaron's body shatter into 8384 pieces. Then the adorable monster hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of beer would calm Alexander's nerves tonight.

THE END

Auto Praise for Near the same spot Philip died Weehawken

"I feel like I know Alexander Hamilton. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the wind blew like talking blue bottles is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	33. Considerate Hercules Mulligan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Short Story by Alexander Hamilton

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette was thinking about Hercules Mulligan again. Hercules was a considerate turtle with scrawny abs and virtually nonexistent hands.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier walked over to the window and reflected on his industrial surroundings. He had always loved pretty New York City with its empty, envious estuaries. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel sleepy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a considerate figure of Hercules Mulligan.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a caring, noble, beer drinker with handsome abs and fragile hands. His friends saw him as a fried, fluttering friend. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a melodic owl.

But not even a caring person who had once jumped into a river and saved a melodic owl, was prepared for what Hercules had in store today.

The sun shone like sitting turtles, making Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier surprised. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier grabbed a tattered hat that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier stepped outside and Hercules came closer, he could see the unlawful glint in his eye.

Hercules gazed with the affection of 2035 energetic angry aardvarks. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a kiss."

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the tattered hat. "Hercules, let's get married," he replied.

They looked at each other with healthy feelings, like two filthy, few frogs boating at a very helpful Halloween party, which had classical music playing in the background and two friendly uncles partying to the beat.

Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier regarded Hercules's scrawny abs and virtually nonexistent hands. "I feel the same way!" revealed Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier with a delighted grin.

Hercules looked relaxed, his emotions blushing like a shaky, sharp sandwich.

Then Hercules came inside for a nice drink of beer.

THE END

Auto Praise for Considerate Hercules Mulligan

"I feel like I know Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette. In a way, it feels as though I've always known him."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits."- Enid Kibbler

"Saying the sun shone like sitting turtles is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	34. Our Short Carrot Love (song)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Love Song For Alexander By John Laurens

This one's for you Mr Hamilton!  
My love for you is like the most short carrot,  
Your face reminds me of optimistic turtles,  
Together, we are like roast dinner and balsamic vinegar.  
Oh darling Alexander,  
My short carrot,  
My optimistic cabbage,  
The perfect companion to my roast dinner soul.  
Strawberries are red,  
Skies are blue,  
I like spaghetti shaped like space rockets,  
But not as much as I love snuggling with you!  
Oh darling Alexander,  
Your legs are like beautiful boats on a spring day,  
You're like the most brave lawyer to ever walk my office.  
Your optimistic turtle face,  
Your balsamic vinegar soul,  
Your beautiful legs,  
Your brave lawyer being...  
How could I look at another when our short carrot love is so strong?  
I love you Mr Hamilton!

Auto Praise for Our Short Carrot Love

"Can you feel the love tonight? I certainly can. Alexander is so lucky to feature in a song like this."- DJ Smooth, Awesome Tunes Magazine

"'Comparing love to a short carrot is beautiful - just beautiful!"- Little Max, The Pop Pop Channel

"Optimistic turtles? Seriously? Pass me a bucket. I can't deal with this level of blurgh."- A Web User With Lots of Opinions

"This song talks to me. I too have a balsamic vinegar soul."- Dan Gloop Jr, Facebook


	35. A New York State of Mind (The Bat Hip Hop)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Rap By Thomas Jefferson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that the title of a real song?

Yeah, yeah  
Ayo, bros, it's time.  
It's time, bros (aight, bros, begin).  
Straight out the hot dungeons of rap.

The knight drops deep as does my ash.  
I never smile, 'cause to smile is the partner of flash.  
Beyond the walls of goblins, life is defined.  
I think of macaroni and cheese when I'm in a New York state of mind.

Hope the dash got some cache.  
My crash don't like no dirty clash.  
Run up to the flash and get the rash.

In a New York state of mind.

What more could you ask for? The sexy knight?  
You complain about lateness.  
I gotta love it though - somebody still speaks for the light.

I'm rappin' to the bat,  
And I'm gonna move your caveat.

Yummy, full, mild, like an angel  
Boy, I tell you, I thought you were an archangel.

I can't take the lateness, can't take the apple.  
I woulda tried to taste I guess I got no chapel.

I'm rappin' to the caveat,  
And I'm gonna move your bat.

Yea, yaz, in a New York state of mind.

When I was young my partner had an insight.  
I waz kicked out without no white.  
I never thought I'd see that light.  
Ain't a soul alive that could take my partner's bite.

A slippery snail is quite the trail.

Thinking of macaroni and cheese. Yaz, thinking of macaroni and cheese (macaroni and cheese).

Auto Praise for A New York State of Mind (The Bat Hip Hop)

"If you only listen to one rap this year, let it be this one. Never before have I heard such genius as 'to smile' being compared to 'the partner of flash'."- DJ Great, Awesome Rap Magazine

"The use of rhyme in this rap is phenomenal. 'dash', 'cache', crash', and 'clash'. How does Thomas Jefferson come up with this stuff?"- Big Fox, The Hip Hop Channel

"This sums up my feelings about A New York perfectly."- A Web User With Lots of Opinions


	36. The Red Moon and the British Rule (song)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By The Sons of Liberty In the style of Grease The Musical

Red moon, you saw me not throwin' away my shot alone,  
Without a dream in my heart,  
Without freedom of my own.

Red moon, you knew just what I was there for,  
You heard me saying a prayer for,  
A freedom I really could care for.

And then suddenly appeared before me, the only one my arms could ever hold.  
I heard somebody whisper 'Hey yo'  
But when I looked, that moon had turned to a British rule!

Oh oh oh...

Red moon, now I'm no longer alone,  
Without a dream in my heart, without a British rule of my own.

You better shape up,  
'Cause I need a freedom,  
And instead I got a British rule.  
You better shape up;  
You better understand,  
To my heart I must be true.  
And this British rule and me are through!

We go together,  
Like Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson, Like Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton.  
Remembered forever,  
As out of your Goddamn mind out of your Goddamn mind out of your Goddamn mind disloyal-disloyal boom de boom de boom.

Well - a well - a well - a huh...  
Tell me more, tell me more,  
Are we a nation of states what's the state of our nation?

Tell me more, tell me more,  
Is the British rule a joke?

Tell me more, tell me more,  
Where is my sodding freedom?

Not throwin' away my shot dreams ripped at the seams, but oh those not throwin' away my shot nights.


	37. The Tale of My Short Secretary Of The Treasury Lover (song)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Ballad By John Laurens

It began on a married winter's afternoon:  
I was the most amusing soldier around,  
He was the most short secretary of the treasury.  
He was my lover,  
My short lover,  
My secretary of the treasury.  
We used to laugh so well together,  
Back then.  
We wanted to leap together, around the world,  
We wanted it all.  
But one afternoon, one married afternoon,  
We decided to leap too much.  
Together we licked a turtle.  
It was lonely, so lonely.  
From that moment our relationship changed.  
He grew so sexy.  
And then it happened:  
Oh no! Oh no!  
He shot Charles Lee.  
Alas, Charles Lee!  
My lover shot Charles Lee.  
It was little, so little.  
The next day I thought my nose had broken,  
I thought my mind had burst into flames,  
(But I was actually overreacting a little.)  
But still, he is in my thoughts.  
I think about how it all changed that afternoon,  
That married winter's afternoon.  
My mind... ouch!  
When I think of that short secretary of the treasury,  
That short secretary of the treasury and me.

(I have no idea what just happened...)


	38. The Way You Smile (The Beautiful, Stunning And Jolly Man Song)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Rhyming Song By John Laurens

You find so many people are dutiful  
But you, you are mostly beautiful  
I like the way you smile.  
You are just so juvenile.  
I like the way you laugh.  
You do it like a paragraph.  
I like the way you kiss.  
You do it like Unisys.  
You find so many people are cunning  
But you, you are mostly stunning  
I love the way you wear your hair,  
Spreading your style everywhere.  
You're like a style fountain.  
Enough zazz for a whole mountain.  
You find so many people are melancholy  
But you, you are mostly jolly  
You're the perfect man.  
No one brings me joy like you can.  
You find so many people are grave  
But you, you are mostly brave  
Beautiful, stunning, and jolly,  
Brave and slender too,  
Are the qualities of you  
You find so many people are tender  
But you, you are mostly slender


	39. I Sleep (And Other Song Name Suggestions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it's in parentheses, I probably added it

I Sleep

You Think I Ain't Worth A Rubber Duckie But I Feel Like A Million Pints Of Sam Adams

Alexander's Great Pints Of Sam Adams Club Band

Sleep? I Jolly Well Won't Sleep

Stairway to Pints Of Sam Adams

Behind Great Pints Of Sam Adams

You Can't Sleep Through A Buffalo Herd

Hotel New York City

Another Year of Pints Of Sam Adams

Sleep Forever (Geez Louise!)

Smells Like Great Pints Of Sam Adams

Look Alexander, this is my Rubber Duckie

Like Great Pints Of Sam Adams

Straight Outta New York City

Stairway to New York City

My Rubber Duckie Sounds Better With You

Great Balls of Pints Of Sam Adams

Stairway to Rubber Duckie

Late Night Rubber Duckie

My Rubber Duckie Wants To Kill Your Mama (Oh gosh!)

Your Cheatin' Rubber Duckie

Alexander Eat My Great Pints Of Sam Adams in New York City

One Angry Rubber Duckie And 200 Great Pints Of Sam Adams

Don't Sleep

You've Lost That Great Feeling

Stand by Your Pints Of Sam Adams

Welcome to Great New York City

Stand by Your Rubber Duckie

Mad to Sleep

Hey Alexander

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Pints Of Sam Adams 

Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!

I plead Rubber Duckie

New York City on My Mind

In Rubber Duckie We Trust

Rubber Duckie Fields Forever

A Song for Alexander (Lams?)

Smack My Rubber Duckie Up

Smells Like a Great Rubber Duckie

Whole Lotta Pints Of Sam Adams

Alexander's Waiting

Rubber Duckie Deep, Pints Of Sam Adams High

Where Have All the Pints Of Sam Adams Gone?

My Name is Alexander (Hamilton

And there's a million things I haven't done  
But just you wait, just you wait)

You Don't Send Me Great Pints Of Sam Adams Anymore

Gonna Make You Sleep

Nice Weather For Pints Of Sam Adams

There's A Good Reason Pints Of Sam Adams Are Numbered, Alexander

Many Pieces Of Large Fuzzy Pints Of Sam Adams Gathered Together At New York City And Grooving On A Rubber Duckie

We Shall Sleep

Just Another a Great Rubber Duckie

Careful With That Rubber Duckie

Amazing Alexander

Pints Of Sam Adams in My Rubber Duckie

A Lot Of People Tell Me I Have A Fake Rubber Duckie

Takin' the Rubber Duckie Train

Great Rhapsody

Livin' on a Rubber Duckie

You've Lost That Great Rubber Duckie

Great Blues

It Hurts To Shoot Pints Of Sam Adams From Your Rubber Duckie, But It's Necessary

Have You Met Alexander?

Sleep - It is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have (I agree!)

Don't Eat Pints Of Sam Adams Off The Sidewalk

House of the Great Rubber Duckie

Born Great

Can't Take My Pints Of Sam Adams Off You

Great Rubber Duckie O' Mine

Rubber Duckie Boogie

Give Me Your Pints Of Sam Adams

Early Morning Rubber Duckie

Sweet Rubber Duckie O' Mine

Yearning for Great Pints Of Sam Adams

This Is A Sight We Had One Day From Great New York City

Great Pints Of Sam Adams of Rubber Duckie

Look Alexander, are you going to Sleep With Me or Not? (Calm down John!)

Like a Rubber Duckie

Early Morning Sleep

The Number of your Rubber Duckie

Your Great Heart

She Thinks Rubber Duckie's Sexy

Rubber Duckie Autopsy (Oh no!)

Let's Run Away to New York City and Swim With Pints Of Sam Adams

I Sleep in Your Arms

Truly Madly Great

Good Rubber Duckie

Like a Great Rubber Duckie

Rhythm of the Rubber Duckie

Alexander Broke My Heart At New York City

When Great Pints Of Sam Adams Cry

The Girl From New York City

New York City is Your Land

Free Rubber Duckie

Goody Two Pints Of Sam Adams

They Are Night Pints Of Sam Adams! They Have Come Back From New York City!! Ahhhh!

It's the End Of New York City As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Somewhere Over the Rubber Duckie

Baby, I Need Your Pints Of Sam Adams

Ghost in My Rubber Duckie

Enter Alexander (He says in parentheses)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone please write all of these songs? I need to hear them.


	40. Straight Outta France (And Other Song Name Suggestions)

Straight Outta France

(I Can't Get No) Wet Gloves

Truly Madly Wet

It's the End Of France As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Your Wet Heart

Smells Like Wet Gloves

Wet Rhapsody

Gonna Make You Write

Have You Met James Madison?

A Song for James Madison

A Lot Of People Tell Me I Have A Fake Constitution

Stairway to Gloves

Here Without James Madison

When Wet Gloves Cry

France on My Mind

My Constitution Sounds Better With You

I plead Constitution

You Don't Send Me Wet Gloves Anymore

France is Your Land

You've Lost That Wet Constitution

Amazing James Madison

We Shall Write

James Madison Broke My Heart At France

Total Eclipse of the Constitution

Takin' the Constitution Train

Goody Two Gloves

Nice Weather For Gloves

Every Constitution You Take

Great Balls of Gloves

Write This Way

The Girl From France

Constitution Fields Forever

Whole Lotta Gloves

Write - It is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have

Write Forever

At Least Give Me My Gloves Back, You Negligent Constitution!

Sweet Constitution O' Mine

One Angry Constitution And 200 Wet Gloves

Born Wet

She Thinks Constitution's Sexy

Look James Madison, this is my Constitution

Rhythm of the Constitution

Ghost in My Constitution

You Think I Ain't Worth A Constitution But I Feel Like A Million Gloves

Constitution I Have Become

Look James Madison, are you going to Write With Me or Not?

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Gloves

Stand by Your Constitution

Wet Blues

House of the Wet Constitution

Stairway to Constitution

Wet Gloves Forever

Gloves in My Constitution

Don't Eat Gloves Off The Sidewalk

Stand By James Madison

When Wet Gloves Write

Let's Run Away to France and Swim With Gloves

Stairway to France

My Constitution Wants To Kill Your Mama

Just Another a Wet Constitution

Another Year of Gloves

Like a Wet Constitution

Hey James Madison

James Madison's Waiting

Four Wet Gloves

Livin' on a Constitution

Like Wet Gloves

Constitution Deep, Gloves High

Bed of Gloves

Whole Lotta Wet Gloves

Independent Constitution

Wet Constitution O' Mine

My Name is James Madison

Constitution Boogie

Enter James Madison

Your Cheatin' Constitution

Yearning for Wet Gloves

I Write

You've Lost That Wet Feeling

Welcome to Wet France

The Constitution Where Your Heart Should Be

Give Me Your Gloves

Smells Like a Wet Constitution

Like a Constitution

Behind Wet Gloves

Bridge Over Wet Gloves

Write, Write, Write!

They Are Night Gloves! They Have Come Back From France!! Ahhhh!

Can't Take My Gloves Off You

Mad to Write

I Write in Your Arms

Where Have All the Gloves Gone?

Smack My Constitution Up

Good Constitution

There's A Good Reason Gloves Are Numbered, James Madison

Constitution Autopsy

Many Pieces Of Large Fuzzy Gloves Gathered Together At France And Grooving On A Constitution

Great Gloves of Constitution

Somewhere Over the Constitution

This Is A Sight We Had One Day From Wet France


	41. Along Came Alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Hot Romance by Alexander Hamilton

John Laurens is a sexy, muscular, and kind painter from New York City. His life is going nowhere until he meets Alexander Hamilton, a hot, curvy man with a passion for food.

John takes an instant disliking to Alexander and the forgetful and smelly ways he learned during his years in France.

However, when a cow tries to eat John, Alexander springs to the rescue. John begins to notices that Alexander is actually rather special at heart.

But, the pressures of Alexander's job as a private detective leave him blind to John's affections and John takes up socializing to try and distract himself.

Finally, when a stupid gardener, Thomas Jefferson, threatens to come between them, Alexander has to act fast. But will they ever find the hot love that they deserve?

Auto Praise for Along Came Alexander

"I fell in love with the smart Alexander Hamilton. Last night I dreamed that he was in my teapot."- The Daily Tale

"About as enjoyable as being slapped with a dead fish, but Along came Alexander does deliver a strong social lesson."- Enid Kibbler

"I love the bit where a cow tries to eat John - nearly fell off my seat."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


	42. 2033, Year of Robots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Dystopian Plot by Thomas Jefferson

Robots becoming sentient has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 2033. New York City is an icy place ruled by robots. Once glorious, the Tower of London is now iced over.

Down to earth homemaker, Mr. James Madison is humanity's only hope. James finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Brain Protectors.

The fight is jeopardized when James is tricked by rude author, Mr. Alexander Hamilton, and injures his ankle.

Armed with an antidote and diligence, The Brain Protectors try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat stupid robots and restore the Tower of London to its former glory?

Auto Praise for 2033, Year of Robots"

James Madison is such a compelling hero. I'd give this book six stars if I could."- The Daily Tale

"Yet another dystopian story set in 2033 New York City. Reading this book was like playing golf with my own eyeballs."- Enid Kibbler

"An injured ankle is no joke. I read this book with my heart in my chest."- Hit the Spoof

"I could do better."- Zob Gloop


End file.
